Offense and Defense

October 14, 2016

It is a sunny weather today and it feels good to be out on a sunshine while doing my laundries and blogging. The humming of the washing machine kinda soothes me, winds blowing and thinking. I was crying last night, harder than the rain. I was about to write this last night but decided not to. I know a lot of emotions will be involved and maybe I’ll utter words not appropriate or I might end up with a decision that I’ll regret later. 

It is true that being a Christian will not give you a happy, storm-free life, the answer is not ‘yes’ all the time. In fact, it is a difficult path, a journey with a lot of detours, you’ll always be balancing between your choices and an experience of pain and hurts. But why did I choose this? I’ll tell you but I have to lay down my case first.

Recently, I have been struggling with my emotions. I feel envious of my siblings because of the attention my mom is giving them. I am an outcast. I feel unloved. 

Second, I am drowned in the clinical area of complaints, of my co-workers unnecessary comments, of their foul words. I even adapted to it. And so, I am back to my temper problems, of seeking instant gratification.

And I say that I am a Christian, how ironic? And with one remark from someone I dearly love, my spiritual leader, she said:

“I’m so disappointed what comes from your mouth. Maybe di lang ako, but God also. Pero okay lngsufficient naman  ang grace ni Lord. Speak life!”

I broke down and cried because I was offended. She doesn’t know what I am going through right now. I am furious. But as I dig deeper on what she means, I calmed myself and prayed and a lot of thinking.

Each day of our lives, we receive offenses from a stranger, from our families and friends and from our Heavenly Father and we take it grandly. At the same time we defend by making excuses, pointing others, having a prideful heart and keeping the ego intact.

Realizations start pouring. Jesus received offense too. How? He is the Son of God yet mocked, abused and judged. He didn’t defend himself, rather took them and said while on the cross that ‘It is finished.’. These words mean everything is finished. Your pain, brokenness, unloyalty, anger, feeling lost and being alone are gone because He paid the price. Me being a sinner is finished as well as you. It all comes down to his grace, because of his love. 

And to that offender yesterday, I am thankful that I have her. I am a sinner that needs a Savior. I need Jesus. My Lord and Savior. Lover of my soul.

How about you? If you still think of getting back on them, remember that a man paid the highest price for you. Pause for a while, don’t rush into making a decision, and pray. Prayer works all the time. Communicate with God, ask Holy Spirit for guidance.

I’ll end it with this verse from Jeremiah 31:3,

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;

therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”

‘Ulap’ hugs

The adrenaline that I feel during hike were incomparable. Yes, I may have experienced shortness of breath, cramps, fall and failing knees but I can not give up. Adrenaline is a substance that is released in the body of a person who is feeling a strong emotion (such as excitement, fear, or anger) and that causes the heart to beat faster and gives the person more energy (Merriam-Webster).

Mt. Ulap coined its name because during a time that it was surveyed, clouds surround the mountain ridges. And maybe, its altitude gave the clouds the opportunity to touch the ground. This mountain is located at Itogon, Benguet with a 1846MASL altitude. Thinking about how high I’ve reached and how vast my eyes caught, gave me the feeling of giddiness and excitement to see our Creator’s work.

We started the trail at 0400H with minimal rain, fog, a temperature of 14-16 degrees centigrade and entered to a paved trail that goes up, killing me breathless. I have to inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth, synchronizing my breath with my steps. If you have breathing problems or asthma like me, better to consult your physician before your hiking activities and checking if the altitude fits you. I still pushed through, fulfilling my goal. Along the trail and with our native guides, you can see pine trees, grasslands, rocks, boulders and note the feces of cows. Can you imagine these? Being away from the city of buildings, of concrete and polluted road, of instantaneity.

First peak and more fog or I should say clouds. I had cramps going down the first peak and these two amazing heaven sent guys helped me,they waited for my pain to subside and checked if I can walk well. We reached the Gungal rock, I didn’t attempt to have my picture taken because of my legs and there were no sceneries.


One of my faith goals is to worship God on top of a mountain. I played ‘Heart open wide’ by Citipointe while we’re at the Gungal rock.

You have my heart and I have Yours, I once was lost but now restored. You are the Lord of all things new. Heart open wide I worship You.

With eyes closed, music being played, spreading arms and winds blown. What a perfect time to worship God, I felt that He hugged me, reassuring me of what is to come, taking away the weariness of my heart, replacing them with new hope, faith and love. 

Realizations:

  1. In life, an escape is mandatory sometimes. Why? We were being consumed by the fast pacing society giving us immediate gratification. We were being choked by what we see, hear and feel clouding our ability to make new ideas.
  2. Seeing the mountains,I remembered  my dreams. Big dreams that are almost impossible to accomplish. The hike reminded of my faith as said in Matthew 17:20,

“Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

We only have to go back to His promises and His word will always be the backbone of my faith and dreams. How about you? 

Mt. Ulap have been foggy throughout our hike but she gave me a clearer thinking, a renewed faith and an intimate time with Jesus. I will be back for a revenge climb.