Offense and Defense

October 14, 2016

It is a sunny weather today and it feels good to be out on a sunshine while doing my laundries and blogging. The humming of the washing machine kinda soothes me, winds blowing and thinking. I was crying last night, harder than the rain. I was about to write this last night but decided not to. I know a lot of emotions will be involved and maybe I’ll utter words not appropriate or I might end up with a decision that I’ll regret later. 

It is true that being a Christian will not give you a happy, storm-free life, the answer is not ‘yes’ all the time. In fact, it is a difficult path, a journey with a lot of detours, you’ll always be balancing between your choices and an experience of pain and hurts. But why did I choose this? I’ll tell you but I have to lay down my case first.

Recently, I have been struggling with my emotions. I feel envious of my siblings because of the attention my mom is giving them. I am an outcast. I feel unloved. 

Second, I am drowned in the clinical area of complaints, of my co-workers unnecessary comments, of their foul words. I even adapted to it. And so, I am back to my temper problems, of seeking instant gratification.

And I say that I am a Christian, how ironic? And with one remark from someone I dearly love, my spiritual leader, she said:

“I’m so disappointed what comes from your mouth. Maybe di lang ako, but God also. Pero okay lngsufficient naman  ang grace ni Lord. Speak life!”

I broke down and cried because I was offended. She doesn’t know what I am going through right now. I am furious. But as I dig deeper on what she means, I calmed myself and prayed and a lot of thinking.

Each day of our lives, we receive offenses from a stranger, from our families and friends and from our Heavenly Father and we take it grandly. At the same time we defend by making excuses, pointing others, having a prideful heart and keeping the ego intact.

Realizations start pouring. Jesus received offense too. How? He is the Son of God yet mocked, abused and judged. He didn’t defend himself, rather took them and said while on the cross that ‘It is finished.’. These words mean everything is finished. Your pain, brokenness, unloyalty, anger, feeling lost and being alone are gone because He paid the price. Me being a sinner is finished as well as you. It all comes down to his grace, because of his love. 

And to that offender yesterday, I am thankful that I have her. I am a sinner that needs a Savior. I need Jesus. My Lord and Savior. Lover of my soul.

How about you? If you still think of getting back on them, remember that a man paid the highest price for you. Pause for a while, don’t rush into making a decision, and pray. Prayer works all the time. Communicate with God, ask Holy Spirit for guidance.

I’ll end it with this verse from Jeremiah 31:3,

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;

therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”


My Victory Story

March 12, 2016

I can’t forget that day, it was the day that I publicly declared my love and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Before I was hesitant to undergo One to One with my friend. Why? It is because I thought of what my family will say but never thought of what God will feel or say about me. All I know that time when I think of it, I will be converted to become like them. I have attended Sunday Services, yet I am still hesitant even though I know that deep inside of me there is a hole, a missing piece of me which I can never find.

I grew up in a family where both of my parents work as OFWs. Since I was born, I didn’t get the chance to know them until I have my own perception. They came home once a year for 30 days. And we were left under the care of my aunt, my mother’s younger sister, whom I call ‘mommy or mame‘. I never knew what a church is, because my parents doesn’t have the time to teach me neither my mame because she is not that religious or I learned a little bit from school as a requirement. I had my first communion while I was in grade 3. We had mass at school and during my high school we had to get a signature from the priest or lay ministers as a proof that we attended the Sunday mass. As I listen to the priest’s sermon, I learn little by little about Jesus and about God.

I graduated from college and about to take a National Licensure Exam. I studied hard and even prayed harder to pass the exam and get a good score. I attended the Sunday mass regularly, prayed the rosary and novena on Wednesday. I even promised to bring more people to God when I achieved my dream, including my family. And hey, prayers are powerful because I am now a licensed nurse. I got work, slaved to earn money, exhausted physically because of work schedule, mentally drained because of my workmates’ insult and commentaries. That was when I was happy to leave that institution. My father then was forced to leave our house because of a chronic family issue, another addition to my problems. I was on vacation, it was summer and I stayed at home during Lent season. There were TV shows about Jesus’ sacrifice, crucifixion, death and resurrection. All those years that Lent season came, I didn’t understand what it means. It got me more curious why was Jesus’ life was a tragic one yet resurrected Him for what purpose.

I was called to another institution and met new friends, one of them was my Victory leader now. She invited me to attend Sunday services, and just wow. It was an amazing experience for me. After that service, I was even more curious but in return I have to follow Him and be baptized. My friend was patient and happy to answer my queries. I got worried what my family will say about all this I am doing. I wanted to but was afraid of others having to say something that can hurt me. I asked permission from my mother but she said if I am sure to what I am doing, I sensed she was hesitant and I did to. I turned my friend down, but what she answered was an eye opener,

Nasa legal age kana, you can decide on your own.”

 That was when I’ve thought of it deeply. If I want my questions to be answered, to know what my purpose is and how to fight my battle, I have to decide.

We had one to one and it took almost a year before my Victory Weekend. I almost wanted to back out, to not attend our meeting because I am uncertain. It wasn’t an easy journey, becoming like Christ. Can you forgive people who hurt you, stabbed you, those people who left you and what was worse was can you love them? I can’t do that. Why does it have to be that way, to accept Jesus and accept those people. What changed my mind was, I am like them. I am a liar too, I’ve uttered hurtful words and even left some of them. I am one of them.

The only person who was not like us, He was Jesus. I cried hard for Jesus. Because He took all our sins, He bore our pain, He nailed all of them on the cross and this took His life. Can you imagine that kind of love Jesus showed?  He was crucified because of me, He died because of me. It is because of me. (I can’t control my tears now.) This was the truth that I was longing for, the answers to my question. The reason behind Jesus’ story being told every Lent season.

“For the wages of sin is death,but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 6:23

Jesus paid the price. I was bought with the highest price.

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,”

Romans 3:23,24

I understand everything now, because of this truth I know now where to draw my strength, my fight, my security, how to forgive, and how to love. I am a work in progress. I still have many things to learn from and I know my purpose now. Those verses I posted were my life verses, I live by them. These pointed out that I am a sinner and my need for a Savior. Jesus’ finished work gave us a gift, He gave us grace.

Now I am righteous, holy, and justified in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ.