October 14, 2016
It is a sunny weather today and it feels good to be out on a sunshine while doing my laundries and blogging. The humming of the washing machine kinda soothes me, winds blowing and thinking. I was crying last night, harder than the rain. I was about to write this last night but decided not to. I know a lot of emotions will be involved and maybe I’ll utter words not appropriate or I might end up with a decision that I’ll regret later.
It is true that being a Christian will not give you a happy, storm-free life, the answer is not ‘yes’ all the time. In fact, it is a difficult path, a journey with a lot of detours, you’ll always be balancing between your choices and an experience of pain and hurts. But why did I choose this? I’ll tell you but I have to lay down my case first.
Recently, I have been struggling with my emotions. I feel envious of my siblings because of the attention my mom is giving them. I am an outcast. I feel unloved.
Second, I am drowned in the clinical area of complaints, of my co-workers unnecessary comments, of their foul words. I even adapted to it. And so, I am back to my temper problems, of seeking instant gratification.
And I say that I am a Christian, how ironic? And with one remark from someone I dearly love, my spiritual leader, she said:
“I’m so disappointed what comes from your mouth. Maybe di lang ako, but God also. Pero okay lngsufficient naman ang grace ni Lord. Speak life!”
I broke down and cried because I was offended. She doesn’t know what I am going through right now. I am furious. But as I dig deeper on what she means, I calmed myself and prayed and a lot of thinking.
Each day of our lives, we receive offenses from a stranger, from our families and friends and from our Heavenly Father and we take it grandly. At the same time we defend by making excuses, pointing others, having a prideful heart and keeping the ego intact.
Realizations start pouring. Jesus received offense too. How? He is the Son of God yet mocked, abused and judged. He didn’t defend himself, rather took them and said while on the cross that ‘It is finished.’. These words mean everything is finished. Your pain, brokenness, unloyalty, anger, feeling lost and being alone are gone because He paid the price. Me being a sinner is finished as well as you. It all comes down to his grace, because of his love.
And to that offender yesterday, I am thankful that I have her. I am a sinner that needs a Savior. I need Jesus. My Lord and Savior. Lover of my soul.
How about you? If you still think of getting back on them, remember that a man paid the highest price for you. Pause for a while, don’t rush into making a decision, and pray. Prayer works all the time. Communicate with God, ask Holy Spirit for guidance.
I’ll end it with this verse from Jeremiah 31:3,
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”